The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."

Employer to applicant: "In this job we need someone who is responsible."

Applicant: "I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

In a job interview for policemen the applicants are shown a profile picture of a man, and the interviewer says, "The job that you're applying for requires powers of observation. Make one observation about this man."

The first applicant enters and says, "This man has just one ear."
"Get out!!" screams the interviewer.

The second applicant enters and says, "This man has one ear."
"Get out!!" screams the interviewer again.

Then the third applicant gets up to go in for his interview. The first two guys are out there and they tell him, "The guy that's giving the interview doesn't like to hear that the man in the picture has one ear."
"Thanks for the tip" says the third applicant.

So the third applicant enters, stares at the picture for a while and finally he says, "This man wears contact lenses."
The interviewer is impressed and says, "Excellent observation. Tell me, how could you tell?"
So the guy says, "Well, this man has just one ear, how could he wear glasses?"

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer went in to try out for the job.
"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"
"11" he replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right."

"What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
"Today and tomorrow."
The sheriff was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.

"Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"

So, Gomer wandered over to the barbershop where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel manager's office.

"What is the meaning of this?" the manager asked. "When you applied for the job, you told us you had 5 years' experience. Now we discover this is the first job you've ever had."

"Well," the young man said, "in your ad you said you wanted somebody with imagination."

New Job Interview Technique

Take the prospective employee and put him in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave him alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what he is doing.

If he has taken the table apart, put him in Engineering.
If he is counting the butts in the ashtray, assign him to Finance.
If he is waving his arms and talking out loud, send him to Consulting.
If he is talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for him.
If he is sleeping, he is Management material.
If he is writing up the experience, send him to the Technical Documentation team.
If he doesn't even look up when you enter the room, assign him to Security.
If he tries to tell you it's not as bad as it looks, put him into Marketing.
If he is wearing green sunglasses and need a haircut, Software is his niche.
If he mentions what a good price we got for the table and chairs, send him to Purchasing.
If he mentions that hardwood furniture does not come from rainforests, Public Relations will suit him well.